Ruthie and Ben

I’m fascinated by people’s stories, especially their love stories. This is part of an ongoing words-and-pictures project where I ask people about the origins of their relationship. Meet Ruthie and Ben.

How did you meet?

Ben: This was after college and I needed a job. I applied at Boys and Girls Club to be a front-desk person. I very embarrassingly wore a full suit to the interview; I was a little over dressed. I interviewed and they said I got the job, but the job gave me was with AmeriCorps. Basically, they were like you’re starting now. I walked in to a room of sixth-graders and Ruthie.

Ruthie: Ben walks in and they said, this is your partner. I thought he was really cute. He was pretty reserved and quiet. I think I introduced myself. I thought I could tell that he recognized my last name. Like he was a fan of my dad’s. I thought, this guy might be cool.

How did the relationship progress from there?

Ben: I was immediately reliant on Ruthie for everything because she had been working there.

Ruthie: Neither of us was very outwardly showing affection. We were both really shy about it.

Do you remember when you thought that this might become a real thing?

Ruthie: Things were slowly building. I have this memory; we were walking out and he pulled me in closely to tell me something. I thought, is he going to kiss me? Then I thought, oh, he might like me. He was being a little flirtatious.

I had this roommate who got a kitten and I thought this was the perfect excuse to invite Ben over. It was a good visit. We had a good time. We just hung out. I had told my roommates not to say anything to Ben that I was infatuated with him. My roommates would say I came home with a Ben story every day. They would ask me what was the Ben story today

What happened next?

Ben: All of us with AmeriCorps were bussed out to this summer camp retreat in western Kansas for two days. There were other organizations were there. Our group was kind of the young, rowdy group.

Ruthie and her sister snuck out and came over to where us guys were staying. We all snuck out and went and looked at the stars. I could tell she at least wanted to hang out with me. I wrote in my journal about Ruthie.

Do you remember the first date? Ben: We went to the Bull, the college bar, to see a music act. I lived really close, so I just walked down and met Ruthie and her three friends.

When was the first time you went out just the two of you?

Ruthie: Our official date was when we went to get Indian food.

Do you remember the first kiss?

Ben: I had told Ruthie that there was going to be a meteor shower, so we went to look at that. We were walking down the stairs and I made a move.

Ruthie: I was caught off guard. We were having so much fun. We were walking back to my place and he grabbed my arm again, like before when I thought he was going to kiss me, but this time he did.

Who was the first person to say I love you?

Ben: Ruthie was helping me move out of my apartment. We had moved everything out except a TV and a futon. We ordered some food and at some point in the evening I said I love you.

Ruthie: I remember hugging Ben and his heart was going crazy and he looked up at me and said I love you. I reciprocated and said I love you.

What was the proposal like?

Ben: We were in the Finger Lakes Region in New York because Ruthie did an internship at the Farm Sanctuary. I knew that I was going to propose that summer. I had Ruthie’s sister help me in planning things and figuring out how to do it.

I ordered the ring to be delivered to New York. The region is known for really beautiful waterfalls so my original plan was to do it at a waterfall, but that didn’t work out. So, I told her I wanted to see the sunrise before we left New York. She thought we were going to catch the sunrise, which is why we got up early.

We walked up to the top of the sheep pasture and watched the sunrise. Then Ruthie turned around and I started going into my speech. I got down on one knee. There were sheep running around.

Ruthie: We had talked about getting married. But I was super surprised when he did it. My sister had come the week before for a visit. We had a really good time the three of us together.

When did you get engaged: Ruthie: July 21, 2021.

How long have you known each other? Ben: Five and a half years.

Ruthie, what do you love about Ben? The biggest thing is we are such a good team, which is why I always knew we would work out. That started with Boys and Girls Club, where we learned to communicate with each other and problem solve and to rely on each other.

When we started dating, people would say you seem so much better now. Ben just makes me better. He helps me to be softer and more present in the moment.

He is the best dog dad ever. And he fit into our family like no one else I ever dated has done. Our family is a particular bunch and you have to be able to keep up because we all like to talk. And you have to have something to say. It’s been effortless the way he has fit into my life. Everyone just loves him.

Can it be intimidating for guys, given who your dad is? Ruthie: Yeah, it can be. And with my four older brothers and how close knit as a family we are. It helps that Ben has an insane brain for facts and knowledge and he uses that with movies to really connect with my dad. My dad will bring up some random movie that nobody knows about, but Ben will know about it.

Ben is just a genuinely good person; just the kindest person that I’ve ever met. All the people in my family immediately loved Ben. He passed the test.

Me: It’s OK to cry.

Ruthie: I’m also a big crybaby.

Ben, what do you love about Ruthie? Ruthie is fearless and strong in all the ways that matter. She’s never afraid to stand up to someone or for something that’s important.

Which comes from her family. Even within her family, she’s the most fearless person, her and her dad. She’s very family oriented.

She’s beautiful. I noticed that immediately. She looks the same as when we met.

Ben, were you nervous or intimidated meeting Ruthie’s family for the first time? I don’t think so. I met Ruthie’s mom the first. With Ruthie’s dad, I wasn’t intimidated. He’s very political and he has convictions, but even more so he’s a super big nerd, and I was used to that. He just wants to talk about stuff.

I knew there was a filmmaker in Lawrence named Kevin Willmott who was also a professor at KU. I wouldn’t have been able to recognize him and I hadn’t seen any of his films. Now I’m a super fan, obviously.

Me: Well, that’s all the questions. You both did great. Thank you for sharing your love story.

Ruthie: I don’t usually share my feelings and gush out loud. This was really nice.

Note: Ruthie and Ben recently toured Blue Vista, a lakefront venue north of Manhattan, Kan., where they will get married in September.